Have you ever thought about another place in the world continuing without you? Places you’ve visited, homes you’ve lived in, or people you once knew? In your mind, they remain frozen as a memory. Yet, they continue outside of your presence.
Sometimes I think about the fun sites I’ve been to. Places like Florence Italy are discovered by new visitors every day, but it stays with me like a favorite movie. It’s still there, existing without me.
Revisiting favorite places can be comforting, but it can also have the opposite effect. I have felt lost in familiar places before. I remember visiting the dorms of Columbia International University after Laura died. A place which formerly felt like home left me feeling sad and empty.
I am experiencing that lostness again. Home doesn’t feel the same. My church doesn’t feel the same. South Carolina barely remembers me. Black Forest Academy is a different school. Dresden moves forward without me. It’s all different and I feel out of place.
I don’t think I should be here, but I am. I can’t figure out why. A small amount of money stands between me and Germany, yet it feels insurmountable.
I’m ready to go, but I can’t.